|
|
 |
|
| |
|
|
ExamForce :: Article Archive :: Newsletter Article
 The Cert Times: IT Edition Article Archive
|
| Trick or Geek (B1N@RY N@T10N (A.J. Axline)) |
"Okay, Michael Myers versus Jason?" I asked.
Vector finished chewing a bite of caramel apple before he replied. "Well, they both have the power of teleportation; both Michael and Jason can blast around town without the benefit of locomotion. They both have a slow, shambling walk when they actually move. Jason is probably a little faster swinging the blade, but Michael is probably better at picking vital spots. They both have Wolverine-like regenerative powers. Hmm. Actually, that is a tougher call then it seems on the surface."
"What was your gut response?" I asked him.
"Jason," Vector said, digging through the pile of sweets in front of him until he found a coffee-flavored Softee Toffee. "Maybe because of the number of movies."
"I don't know about that," I said, popping Rockets into my mouth like Rush Limbaugh with a prescription bottle. "I thought that they were about even now."
"Jason has eleven movie appearances, if you include Freddy vs. Jason."
"Which I do," I said.
"And Michael only has, like, seven or so."
"I think eight," Vector replied, teething on a toffee Bat.
"Okay, here's another one for you. The creepy chauffeur from Burnt Offerings versus The Tall Man from Phantasm."
Vector mulled that one over while I sorted my pile of candy into categories, the same categories I have used with my Halloween candy since I was a kid:
- chocolate
- chewy sugar
- crunchy sugar
- hard sugar (also known as timed-release sugar, usable as projectiles if required)
- non-sugar (nuts, sunflower seeds, small boxes of raisins)
- bubble gum (which could technically be classified as 'chewy sugar', but in my opinion it deserves it's own genus)
There are many "borderline" candies out there that can play havoc with my system. For instance, where do you put a chocolate Kraft caramel? It's definitely a transition candy that exists between the first two categories. And what about Tootsie Pops? It's a phase change candy that goes from hard sugar to chewy sugar that is arguably chocolate flavored. This is the kind of stuff that Wikipedia ignores.
"I don't think that's a fair match-up," Vector said, "because the powers of the chauffeur character are never established in the film."
"Nine," I said.
Vector tore open a mini-pack of Twizzlers and plugged one between his teeth like a red cheroot.
"What?" he asked.
"Nine. There are nine Michael Myers movies," I said.
Vector shook his head, waggling the licorice like a tail. "I don't think that's right."
"Halloween H20: Twenty Years Later was the seventh movie," I said. "That's the one they brought Jamie Lee Curtis back for. Then they did Halloween: Resurrection."
"Which sucked harder than--" Vector began to say. I cut him off to give the editor a break from complaint emails.
"And finally, there is Rob Zombie's Halloween, which makes nine," I concluded.
"You say that with confidence," Vector said, gnawing away at his licorice. "But are you certain that the Rob Zombie film should be counted in the canon?"
"Without question," I replied. "In fact, that movie is the most definitive Michael Myers movie ever made."
Vector conceded the point, then frowned.
"Wait a second. Wait just one Samhain second. Are you counting Halloween 3: Season of the Witch in your tally?"
"I--" I began to say, and then felt my face began to heat up.
"You were," Vector said with a red licorice speckled grin. "You were totally counting that piece of crap in your total."
"It's a Halloween movie," I said, already regretting the words the second they'd left my mouth.
"Yeah, but it's not a Michael Myers movie, you loser," Vector laughed. "Dear Cthulu, I can't believe you just did that. Your Fangoria subscription is forfeit to me."
"It was a trick question," I frowned. "It wasn't even a question. You're one to talk; you couldn't even pick a clear winner between the chauffeur and The Thin Man."
I'm not sure what he hit me in the head with. I think it was a molasses candy, one of the ones with the wrapper adorned with witches, bats, and black cats. I grabbed a small box of Gobstoppers, and shook a few of the little jawbreakers into my left hand.
"You have underestimated your pile of hard sugar," I said ominously.
"What? What the hell does that mean?" Vector asked. "Is that some sort of old guy thing?"
The cost in breakage: two lamps, a picture frame, and a black cat ceramic candle holder. Still, I was right... I was tossing Whoppers and gum balls while Vector had to resort to pitching two-packs of Chiclets. These young guys just don't get it.
A.J. Axline is the webmaster of The Chaos Jester, and is terrified of his dentist.
|
|
|
Posted by
nam on 29/10/2007 10:20 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
ExamForce, Inc. is not sponsored by, endorsed by, or affiliated with Cisco Systems, Inc. Cisco®, Cisco Systems®, CCDA™, CCNA™, CCDP™, CCNP™, CCIE™, CCSI™, the Cisco Systems logo, and the CCIE logo are trademarks or registered trademarks of Cisco Systems, Inc. in the United States and certain other countries. All other trademarks, including those of Microsoft, CompTIA, and Citrix are trademarks of their respective owners.
|
|
|
|
 |
|
