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ExamForce :: Article Archive :: Newsletter Article
 The Cert Times: IT Edition Article Archive
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| B-Side Myself (B1N@RY N@T10N (A.J. Axline)) |
Usually, the age difference between myself and Vector doesn't ever come into play. He is enough of a movie and music buff that we can discuss bands and films from the past without using a generational decoder ring.
However, the technology involved behind the history is another story.
"So, you bought songs on discs," Vector said slowly. "Double-sided discs. But, these 'singles' you refer to only held one song per side?"
"Yes," I sighed. "On one side, side A, there was the hit song that you bought the single for. On side B, there was usually a throwaway song that didn't make it onto the album, or that was on the album but wasn't strong enough to release as a single."
"So, it was a double-sided single? With a yellow plastic shuriken in the middle?" Vector asked.
"It wasn't a shuriken per se," I replied, "although I often threw them at my sister in honorable ninja fashion. You see, the hole in a 45 was larger than the spindle--"
"45?"
Sigh. "We often called them 45s because they spun around at forty-five revolutions per minute," I replied.
"Forty five revolutions? Per MINUTE??" Vector's jaw dropped. "What the hell kind of data stream is that? That's like, snail intercourse."
"The RPMs didn't matter as much," I said. "We're talking analog, remember? Besides, LPs only spun at--"
"What's an LP?" Vector asked.
"Long. Playing. Record." I said, rubbing at a pain in my temple.
"Oh right. Albums. Like Dark Side of the Moon, and stuff. Double sided, multiple tracks. They must have spun quite a bit faster in order to--"
"No, they spun slower than 45s did. LPs spun at thirty-three-and-a-third revolutions per minute."
"33.3 revs per minute," Vector said, obviously incredulous.
"It's true," I replied. "Records went from 78, to 45, to 33-and-a-third RPM."
"So, the more advanced the technology got, the SLOWER it became?" Vector said. "What, was everyone living in Backwards World? It's like that episode of Red Dwarf where Cat goes out to take a dump, only the dump takes him. That's just creepy. Did you even have fire back then? To cook your woolly mammoth steaks while you listened to one song before having to turn the record over?"
"That's just silly. With LPs, you could stack three or four albums on the spindle," I said defensively. "When one side finished playing, the next platter would drop down the spindle on top of the other platter, and then--"
"Oh my god," Vector said, wide-eyed. "You invented the hard drive crash. Your generation's music technology was the forefather of one of the most annoying tech blowouts to ever exist! That is sick! Truly sick! Did TVs back in your day occasionally show a Blue Screen of Death too?"
"No, but sometimes the vertical hold would go, and the picture would start flipping up and over, and you'd have to--"
"Aaaaagh!" Vector gagged, slapping his hands over his ears. "God, no more! I don't want to know any more about the bubbling pool of single-celled techno miasma soup you crawled out of. I'm surprised I can't see gill slits on your neck, Naoh."
Later, I chased Vector around the house, brandishing an 8-track copy of Sly and the Family Stone's Stand! at him. Vector ran around shrieking like a vampire being pursued by a crucifix-wielding Van Helsing. This only goes to reinforce my theory that keepsakes should only be presented in order to frighten, intimidate, and annoy the people around you... which is why you should hold a few choice items back from your various eBay auctions.
A.J. Axline is the gatekeeper of closetuniverse.com, and is always on the lookout for a hot keymaster.
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Posted by
nam on 27/04/2007 09:32 |
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