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ExamForce :: Article Archive :: Newsletter Article
 The Cert Times: IT Edition Article Archive
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| Vista Happens (B1N@RY N@T10N (A.J. Axline)) |
Well, it's here. The newest, best, most-secure version of the Windows operating system has hit store shelves. The Microsoft lovers have sung their praises, the haters have blown their smoke, the MS Marketing League has blown theirs, and the average consumer has knocked on their teenager's bedroom door and asked, "So, do we need to get that Windows Viscera for our computer so we can keep using the Interweb?"
And the total impact of all of this has been... well, surprisingly negligible.
What happened? This was the release of a new Windows OS six years in the making. This event was supposed to reintroduce the PC back into our lives; it was going to kick the canes out from under the doddering Windows XP and offer a new computing experience for the 21st Century. After all, that's what the majority of Windows releases have been since Windows 95-- paradigm-shifting events that somehow (subtly or dramatically) changed the PC user experience.
(I leave Windows Me out of that last statement. In fact, if you stay with the article long enough, you'll find a cheap jab at WinMe's expense. Consider it this article's equivalent to the 3-D wildlife card in the box of Cracker Jacks(TM).)
And here we are, less than a month after Windows Vista was released to the general public... and the resounding non-thud has proponents, pundits, and poopy-pantses scratching their heads. Or their pantses.
What the hell happened?
Well, let's first look at what the marketing ghouls did by deciding to expand from two versions of Windows (XP Home and XP Professional) to:
Windows Vista Home Basic
Windows Vista Home Premium
Windows Vista Business
Windows Vista Enterprise
Windows Vista Ultimate
Not to mention the different versions for 32-bit and 64-bit architectures, as well as the Home Basic N and Business N versions for sale in the European Union that have Windows Media Player stripped out of them due to the anti-trust fallout. There's also Windows Vista Starter, which is only for sale in "emerging markets," also known as "dick-out consumers." To be fair, we'll stay in the North American market.
This dumbass versioning scheme, which will only serve to confuse consumers and tech support people alike, has Steve Ballmer's sweaty fingerprints all over it. The man is not a technologist; he has a B.A. in mathematics and economics, and one year of an M.B.A. from Stanford. He is, first and foremost, a marketer and seller of fanaticism.
In case you've forgotten, here's a quick tilt through the Ballmer lens... looking at his old buddy Linux:
"...a cancer that attaches itself in an intellectual property sense to everything it touches."
"...has those characteristics of communism that people love so very, very much about it."
Yeah. Okay.
So, idiot marketing aside, why hasn't Vista made a quick splash with consumers?
The simplest answer is that Windows Vista doesn't do enough to close the gulf with PC users who have added changes and enhancements to their WinXP machines during the six-year hiatus between Windows releases.
More on this later. For now, let's look at some of the primary advertising points for Windows Vista, and why they aren't driving consumers down the cashier chute:
Windows Search - nice idea, but the kludgy searching in WinXP was dealt with reasonably well with the introduction of Google Desktop.
Windows Sidebar - a transparent space where "Gadgets" can be placed. Mac users have full permission to laugh at this 'groundbreaking' feature, as can anyone who has used Konfabulator, or the new Sidebar functionality in Google Desktop.
Internet Explorer 7 - wow, tabbed browsing... RSS... a search box; I'm getting erect just marveling at this futuristic new technology! Users who left IE6 for FireFox or Opera aren't exactly going to gladly jump back on the MS browser bandwagon.
Windows Media Player 11 - has some neat new features (including Xbox 360 integration, not to be taken lightly in the current hot console market), but still not a compelling argument for changing out an entire operating system.
In fact, lets skip over the marketing dross with this statement: operating systems should get prettier, gain functionality, and offer new features when new versions are released. Period. End of manifesto. Microsoft is the largest software company on the face of the planet. Innovation from their developers isn't a special feature; it is a consumer expectation.
There is a "gotta have it" threshold that drives consumers to next-generation products. Sometimes, the threshold is reached by as vapid a change as new packaging. However, when it comes to spending anywhere from $100 - $400 USD—
(—and I must pause here, take a deep breath, and suggest that a software company that releases an operating system—"Ultimate" or otherwise—that retails for the same price as an entry-level Dell Dimension PC with Vista Home Basic installed on it, should be beaten up during recess. In fact, just give me your lunch money now, Steve-O.)
—there has to be a value statement greater than "Windows Vista: It's Pretty! Just Like OS X! But They Stole From Us! EVERYONE STEALS FROM US!"
The true value statement, the one that Microsoft has bet the Vista farm on, is security.
Windows Vista is "the most secure version of Windows ever made." This is, in fact, a statement of utter foolishness. Has any company ever released a product and touted it as "not as secure as our last version, but still pretty good!"?
Maybe General Dynamics, but it is the exception. And, for the record, the most secure version of Windows ever is Windows Me. You can't take over an OS that crashes when the humidity fluctuates outside.
(You see?! You see?! I LOVE YOU PEOPLE!)
So, to append our previous statement of expectation, let's say that operating systems should become more secure with each new edition. Okay? Make sense?
So, here's the reason why the release of Windows Vista has, to this point, been little more than the release of an antiseptic, scent-free, shrink-wrapped fart: it doesn't offer enough in perceived value to cross the "gotta-have-it" threshold of PC users who have spent the last six years bending Windows XP to their wills.
That is what Ballmer and the rest of the marketers missed. Consumers have heard the "best Windows ever!" mantra before. In the end, what really mattered was that they were (rightfully or not) convinced that they needed to upgrade to the next version of Windows in order to do something they couldn't do with their current PCs.
Which takes us back to the security argument. And, in this space, on this day, I am going to make the following prediction: some time in the next twelve months, there is going to be a catastrophic security incident involving Windows XP. It may be a virus, a worm, a group of terrorist hackers, hell, it may be attributed to a pack of winged monkeys and their sorcerous poop. But there will be an attack, and a lot of WinXP boxes will be torn asunder. Not as many as the reported numbers at the time, mind you, but a lot.
Windows Vista PCs will be unaffected. They will be immune to the attack.
And prisoners of war will be referred to as "terror suspects."
Whoops, ignore that last bit.
A.J. Axline
B1n@ry N@t10n
A.J. Axline is the author of Closet Universe, available for sale at Lulu.com. He doesn't hate Microsoft, but feels that an intervention may be in order.
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Posted by
nam on 27/02/2007 09:55 |
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