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ExamForce :: Article Archive :: Newsletter Article
 The Cert Times: IT Edition Article Archive
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| My Content Wish List for 2006 (B1N@RY N@T10N (A.J. Axline)) |
If I had to assign a theme to 2005, I would call it "The Year of Content". The last twelve months saw another huge explosion in the ways and means through which writers, photographers, cartoonists, musicians, and other creative artists can deliver their content to a global audience. One of the most celebrated content formats from this past year was the podcast, a platform that enables anyone with a computer, microphone, and some relatively inexpensive software to push their content to a grassroots-driven subscriber base. Throw in a video camera, and you could become the star of your own subscription-based online show. Heady times, creative brothers and sisters.
Of course, the end result of lowering the number of barriers that stand between an artist and the ability to produce and publish content is always a mixed blessing. For every unique and worthwhile video podcast such as Tiki Bar TV, there is someone out there who dresses up their dogs in Victorian-period costumes, and films episodes of Pride and Prejudice for a canine audience. For every great audio podcast such as This Week In Tech, there is some self-proclaimed Lone Gunman recording weekly four-hour rants about how the government is putting chemical agents in your drinking water in order to keep you docile. Oh sure, he might be right... but dude! Buy a better-quality microphone and a pop screen, for crying out loud! Everytime you say "perfidy", my eardrums cringe like a college student looking at an iPod Nano price tag. It's okay to be paranoid, just so long as you maintain some production values in the process.
Personally, I would rather have a greater number of people with access to the tools necessary to publish content, and have to pick and choose from the volume of material out there, than revert to the classic system of self-appointed gatekeepers deciding what is worthy of airtime and publication. Yes, it means more work for you and I if we're not being spoon-fed the "best of the Web". But, as a professional writer (you in the back there, stop snickering) who has been creating content for over fifteen years, I would rather have the ability to put my work out there and have consumers decide what its value is to them, than have to throw myself on the mercy of some beknighted publishing rep only to be told that my work isn't Dan Brown-ish enough for the current marketplace.
While I welcome the ever-growing wealth of new material from creative artists around the world, it's sometimes difficult to find the kind of entertainment that appeals to my unique personality and sense of humor. (You, in the back, I'm not going to warn you again.) Now, normally I would just go ahead and create the type of content that I like, and then intentionally induce short-term amnesia so that I can enjoy the material as fresh copy the next day. Win-win, right? However, there are certain medical professionals out there who believe that repeatedly inducing short-term amnesia can cause long-term health problems. I think they're being reactionary, myself (these are the same people who lecture me on the dangers of sucking back a generous shot of whipped cream straight from the pressurized cannister with every bite of apple pie I take; honestly, I don't know what goes through these nervous-Nellies' minds), but I am willing to admit that self-induced amnesia, if not dangerous, is at least time consuming.
Therefore, I would like to pass along some suggestions to all of you creative content types out there. Think of this as a wish list for things I'd like to see, hear, and read in 2006. And, since I represent an enormously influential and significant demographic (cranky middle-aged techies who would have held onto Sauron's ring, who pay lip service to lowering their cholesterol but do very little about it, who complain loudly and bitterly when we see anachronistic arms and armor in "historical" movies, and who would, given the chance, opt to have their brains transplanted into android bodies that don't begin gasping after running twenty feet or carrying a tower case up a flight of stairs), there's a good chance that any one of these ideas could result in an extra $10 of Google Ads revenue for your site.
So, here we go.
Desired Web Comic: David Lynch's Family Circus
First episode: Billy and Barfy find a human ear out in the backyard, which leads them on a great adventure where they discover where Dolly has been spending her afternoons with Frank "Not Me!" Booth.
Desired Audio Podcast: Steve Ballmer on Tech on Methamphetamine
I know it sounds bad, but I think that hilarity would ensue until he drowned in his own upper-lip perspiration halway through the first episode.
Desired Video Podcast: Steve Jobs's Reality Distortion Field World of Illusion
This one's a natural. C'mon! This guy makes David Blaine look like a lethargic 3-Card Monte huckster. In the season finale, Steve amazes the audience by making Darl McBride's delusions vanish into thin air.
Desired Blog: Ann Coulter Live! from a Turkish prison
With guest columnists Rush Limbaugh, Bill O'Reilly, Tom DeLay, and most of the current White House administration. And, for additional sex appeal, Jessica Simpson.
Desired Photo Blog: Stationery on Parade
Pages and pages of high-quality photos of stationery products. Pens, notepads, sticky notes, the works. No, I'm not going to rationalize this choice. This one is just for me. Get somebody else to start a fetish site just for you.
Desired Pr0n Site: Jessica Simpson and Ann Coulter in a Turkish Prison
Pretty self-explanatory if you ask me, but see Desired Blog for more details.
Desired E-Merchant: PBandJ.com
An online store where you can order a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, and have it delivered to you anywhere in the world in under thirty minutes. In order to make the business model viable, they'd probably have to charge about $375 per sandwich... but you know, sometimes at 4:37 AM when I'm halfway through watching all three Lord of the Rings movies in succession, I would seriously consider paying $375 for a really good peanut butter and jelly sandwich... as long as someone else was making it and bringing it to my door.
Have a happy holiday season, and a safe and swanky New Years.
A.J. Axline
A.J. Axline is the author/proprieter of Closet Universe. He likes kittens, long walks on the beach, and being beaten with a sock wrapped in a bar of soap.
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Posted by
nam on 28/03/2006 08:52 |
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