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The Pig Out 

I met Vector for lunch last week, which for both of us usually happens around 4:00 PM based on our individual sleep patterns. The waitress came to our table and poured coffee. “What can I get you boys?” she asked. “Do you have those sandwiches, the ones with bacon in them?” I asked. “A BLT?” she asked. I narrowed my eyes. “I understand the ‘B’, given the context of my previous question. What are the ‘L’ and ‘T’, respectively?” “Lettuce and tomato,” she answered. I nodded my head slowly. “Okay,” I said. “Okay, let’s see where this goes.” She stood there patiently, pen and pad poised....

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Posted on August 20th, 2014 in ExamForce's Blog » Binary Nation | Comments (0)

Is Windows 8 Done For? 

It’s been less than two years since Windows 8 was released to the general public. Windows 8 was a bold move by Microsoft, its attempt to create a version of its massively popular operating system that could power multiple types of hardware, enabling the use of touchscreen PCs and tablets while maintaining support for conventional desktop users. Windows 8 was all about bringing a single OS to the desktop/tablet party, by offering a hybrid experience that could accommodate keyboards, mice, and fingertips. Windows 8 was the launch pad of Microsoft’s strategy to gain some relevance in the mobile computing market, a market dominated by Apple’s iPad...

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Posted on August 14th, 2014 in ExamForce's Blog » Binary Nation | Comments (0)

This is a Title 

I am a writer. What does this mean? Well, it means many things. It means that I annoy my social media contacts by correcting the shoddy spelling and grammar in their posts. It means that I have a somewhat ludicrous amount of notebooks (the kind with paper in them, although I have a ludicrous amount of the other kind as well). It means that I’ve bought more dictionaries than vehicles in my lifetime. It means that I know what a gerund is. It means that in the upcoming zombie apocalypse, I will be the first member of my ragtag survivor group to be left behind when the really bad late-night surprise mass zombie attack comes, unless there is an alpha m...

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Posted on July 16th, 2014 in ExamForce's Blog » Binary Nation | Comments (0)

Commence la Festival 

“Hello graduating class of 2014. It’s a real honor to be here today, one of the best schools in the country. I’m very glad to be here, because commencement speeches count huge points against outstanding community service requirements.” “I never graduated from university. I went for two years, majoring in Public Drunkenness with a minor in Absenteeism. If I had graduated, I might have been an English teacher today. Given the current state of grade school education, I have to say that I much prefer being given the community service sentence mentioned earlier. Kids today are as familiar with the rules of grammar as Jenny McCarthy is with the...

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Posted on June 3rd, 2014 in ExamForce's Blog » Binary Nation | Comments (0)

Dinner Date 

Thanks for meeting me here tonight! I thought we could take some time to have a chat, you and I. Vector is off doing Vector stuff, which this evening involved a rented cube van and an EMP cannon, as he muttered something about "hidden checking account fees" before driving off. So come, have a seat. Let’s get caught up. Me? I’m doing all right. I am a fulltime freelance writer these days, which is kind of like giving yourself permission to starve. I kid! But, if you aren’t going to have that last biscuit… thank you, you’re very kind. I’ll just save half of it for later in the week. Did you want the crackers that came with your soup? N...

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Posted on April 23rd, 2014 in ExamForce's Blog » Binary Nation | Comments (0)

An Open Letter of Consumer Despair 

Dear Lenovo: On February 6, 2014, I ordered a new Thinkpad 8 tablet from your online store. I was rather excited by this new product as it was very well received at CES, and the early hands-on reviews were unilaterally positive. By all reports, it was a device that would fit remarkably well into my current computing life. I happily placed my order on your online store without a hitch. But, when I received the standard automated confirmation email, I discovered that the estimated shipping date was actually a few days later than was listed on your website. This was, as you can imagine, a little disappointing. I had already steeled myself, building...

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Posted on March 19th, 2014 in ExamForce's Blog » Binary Nation | Comments (0)

CES and Desist 

I’m not entirely certain why Vector and I continue to go to the Consumer Electronics Show (CES) every year. I’m also not certain why they continue to let us in every year, since the two of us always inevitably end up getting thrown out at some point, often numerous times, depending on the quality of each consecutive disguise we employ. I think our CES visits and the accompanying eviction from the conference center, hotel, and city/state limits have become something of a tradition for all involved parties, really. Not a particularly beloved tradition, not like decorated evergreen trees or chocolate bunnies, but still something kind of special tha...

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Posted on January 28th, 2014 in ExamForce's Blog » Binary Nation | Comments (0)

I Spy (with my NSA eye) 

As I reflect on the key technology stories from 2013, the one that stands out as the most significant would have to be the leaked revelations from former security agency employees that confirmed (and in some cases exceeded) our worst fears about governments spying on our online lives. This is creepy, tinfoil hat, X-Files conspiracy plot kind of stuff, the grist for primetime dramas and self-published paranoia paperbacks. Where are “The Lone Gunmen” when you need them? We aren’t talking about tracking the email accounts of known criminals, or looking at the browsing records of an accused pedophile, without a properly-issued warrant. We’re tal...

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Posted on December 12th, 2013 in ExamForce's Blog » Binary Nation | Comments (0)

I Wonder Sometimes Who’s Paying For These Visits 

“I’ve often thought about becoming a therapist, except I would only see other therapists. Like, I would be a therapists’ therapist, you know? All of my clients would be therapists. But then I thought, who would I go to when I needed therapy? I would have to find a therapist that specializes in treating the therapist of therapists. Where would you even start to look for someone who does that? Maybe on craigslist, I guess. Seriously, you’re really out of coffee?” I asked. “Yes,” my therapist sighed. “Do you use puppets?” I asked. “I’ve heard that some therapists use puppets to facilitate treatment.” “You usually see tha...

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Posted on October 11th, 2013 in ExamForce's Blog » Binary Nation | Comments (0)

Not The Movie Gotham Deserves 

“Superman and the Dark Knight” A movie treatment by A.J. Axline The film opens with Superman (Henry Cavill) standing in his Fortress of Solitude. On a monitor powered by Krypton technology, he is watching events from the past couple of years, specifically his battle with General Zod. Superman rewinds and plays Zod’s death scene over and over. He is clearly disturbed by what he sees on the monitor, and is obviously conflicted about what he may be called upon to do in the future to protect the people of Earth. Appearing beside the monitor is the projected image of Jor-El (Russell Crowe, collecting his guaranteed sequel pay). Jor-El attempts...

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Posted on September 4th, 2013 in ExamForce's Blog » Binary Nation | Comments (0)